The challenge is as follows:
At the beginning of this year, I was a massive 12st 1lb at 5'7" tall. That, my friends, is Officially Fat. I was depressed, I was demotivated, I was fed up. And I was a big, fat blimp.
So one day, our intrepid heroine skipped gaily to the gym to try and lose some of the lard around her waist. And verily, she did lose over 1.5 stone, and she was mightily pleased.
But then something happened. She got bored with doing cardio after cardio. She started to get tired. She lost interest in sex. Her girlfriend began to complain that she was getting far too much sleep. and so the cycle of take-aways, ice-cream, Pringles and beer started all over again. And she put on 4lb.
You see, the problem with me is that I'm terrified of actually succeeding at something. As soon as I get near to success, I have to think of a way to shoot myself in the foot, and then I do. The only thing I actually succeed at is being unsuccessful.
For years I've been looking at pictures of female bodybuilders in magazines and thinking "hell, I could do better than that if I had the motivation". And you know what? I think I could. I have a big frame and some natural muscle, and I easily lose weight when I try. I really do think I could do a good job of it.
Unfortunately, the bodybuilding community doesn't like gay people. It doesn't like the idea that some female bodybuilders actually ARE gay. It is so obsessed with demonstrating how "normal" female bodybuilders are that they promote some freakish sights; muscular women with tiny little bikinis on over no tits at all and three-foot-long blonde hair extensions framing overblown jawlines that tell the sad and sorry tale of steroid abuse. If these women are trying to emphasise the fact that they are not men, they're doing a very poor job of it by looking exactly like men. And what's with the slapping-on of Dream Tan and similar products in a country where we're lucky if we see the sun for three hours a day? It's ridiculous.
Anyway, here's my personal challenge. So far, I'm not in bodybuilder shape. I'm a stone overweight and I don't have a lot of muscle to speak of, but I would love to expose the hypocrisy of these shows and see what they do with a big, tattooed lesbian with a flat-top when she steps on the stage.
I'm going to enter for 2008. Watch this space.